The Art of letting Go
This week I moved into my college. It is a very new experience for me, and the journey to get here has inspired this article.
I first knew that the college I am going to was meant for me when I asked the Lord in the adoration chapel for confirmation. An email was sent to me from the college with the subject line saying "Preferred Student Application”, which I didn’t see until hours later. After that, it was sent in stone. I was going. But this is a big change for anyone. My college is far from home, expensive, and it is a very big change for me, which is something I always struggle to adjust to. Over my summer, I was packing, buying things, getting in as much time with friends and family as I could. All the while, I was bombarded with a multitude of questions about packing, moving day, my classes, and my new lifestyle. How I was going to do that will all the things I still love doing, my novel that I am still working on, my substacks, etc,
I have learned that God has a purpose for everything, so I asked myself what His purpose could be for these challenges. Then it hit me. He was teaching me how to surrender. To let go. It's an invitation to trust Him more, the way the saints did. The way He did with the Father while on earth. It is not easy. It is something that you have to do every day: wake up, put it in His hands, and go about your day as He wills. But on days that I am good at it, I recognize something: it is far easier to give it to Him than to hold onto it. I feel more relaxed, my head more clear, more at peace. It is like, when going to the grocery store, you think when you arrive that you do not need a cart. But, as you walk around the store your hands become full of things and it becomes too hard to carry, much less grab the things you need. So, you get a cart after all, and you find it far easier to go about your business that way, freeing up your hands to grab what you need and check the list or coupons you may have brought with you.
There is a quote that I love, from season four of The Chosen. I have printed for me to see daily. When Matthew is talking to Gaius, he tells him that when he wakes up, he remembers that he has only one thing to do today: “Follow Him. The rest takes care of itself.” Follow Matthew’s example. Remember that at the end of the day, that’s all you have to do. Everything else will sort itself out.
As a melancholic with a natural disposition to negative emotions, I know how hard it can be. I have to be very intentional about positive feelings and thought patterns, and a flaw of my temperament is trust. It's important to remind yourself, to remember and truly think about God’s goodness. He is love itself. He made you from and for love. He is goodness itself, therefore how can anything not be good? How will He not provide for you, a truly benevolent God? If leads you somewhere, how will He not provide the path? On top of that, there is the logic to consider: all those what ifs, questions, remain unanswered, yes? Is there anything you can do about what you don’t know, what is in the future? No. So the effort of worrying does absolutely nothing to change it.
I recently read St Francis de Sales’s book, Finding God’s Will for You. In it, he talks about not only loving God’s will with the knowledge of His greatness and holiness, but making His will your own. If your desires are a part of that, He will no doubt make it happen. If not, it is likely for the best. I promise. Another book I read, Mystery of Divine Love by Fr Wojciech Giertych (don’t know how to pronounce that one) that it is good to have your own projects, but warns against pushing them towards the Lord, rather than giving it to Him and ensuring they are a part of His eternal project.
Try this exercise: find a crucifix, statue, or image of Jesus. I bet you have one somewhere amongst your things. Place it before you (or you before it if it is hung up) and close your eyes. Take a deep breath. (Like, a really deep one). Hold it for a bit before letting go. Then cup your hands before you. Do it again. As you do, imagine all your worries, goals, dreams, projects, everything that is on your mind. As you exhale, imagine those things exiting your mind and into your hands. Open your hands. Take whatever is in your hands, and place it on said image/statue/crucifix. You are placing them in His hands. Don’t take them back. You are giving Him the joy of being your savior, your help. Let Him keep them, He will take them as He sees fit. Feel free to say a prayer, or make a request regarding said things. Walk away from them. Don’t pick them up or take them with you!! Try this as often as you need to help you learn to surrender.
Let's pray.
Jesus, King of the Universe, my friend, I am sorry for worrying so much. For busying myself with what ifs and questions rather than leaning on you and focusing on the present. Teach me to surrender, to let go. Whisper sweet words to me, promise me You will make a way, that it will be alright. I trust you. I love you. Mary, my mother in heaven, pray for me and help me to surrender as you did. Lord, where You lead, I shall follow. Amen.